What are we afraid of?

   Thinking of the door I described in Sunday School. The one busting at the seams with the Holy Spirit trying to get in. Why do we try to hold the door shut? The Holy Spirit keeps seeping in through the cracks and we are amazed by the things we see Him accomplishing in our church, our class, our community, and our own lives. Why do we still keep fighting against that door to keep it from opening all the way? I know that sometimes I am afraid of  what might happen if I let go and allow the door to open all the way. I think that I am afraid of the power of the Holy Spirit and what He might do to my life. I love everything that I am seeing now, but I don't know if I can handle all of Him. I know that everything He has shown me and done around me is amazing and brings complete joy. I don't know what He has in store when I step back from the door and let it open all the way. What will happen if I let Him take over my life? Will I lose control of everything I have fought so hard to control? Will He come in and completely change me? Will I still think and act the same way I do now? Will He let me have the same friends, the same job, the same salary, the same anything? He has done nothing but shown me His goodness, but I still fight against that door because I am afraid that I might lose me.
    Why is it we are so afraid to let go? He is the creator of the universe. He created us. Deep down I know that He knows best. I know He wants nothing but the best for me. I know He offers more joy than I could ever find on my own, but it is still a big step to let go. It is a big leap of faith to open that door. I gladly cracked the door and let Him in, but I still keep for myself the worst parts. The parts of my heart that I put my fears, my hurt, my anger, and my bitterness. He is trying to flood my heart and my life with unfiltered love and joy, but I am holding on to all the things that will hurt me the most.
    I think the biggest fear of all is what He will call me to be. Where will He send me? How will He use me? What will I do? When will I go? Am I ready? Am I good enough?

    I know that this is a lot, and it doesn't make that much sense, but it boils down to this. Are we ready to move out of the way, let God in, and let Him make us into what He created us to be? Only He knows what the end result will be, but we can take heart because He promises us it will be better than anything we could ever imagine.

John